Little Miss Mary Sunshine
by Mac-alicious
Summary: Casey has a bad day, a really bad day. And it sends her over the edge and she figures it's time for a change. Probably, eventually Dasey.
1. Bad Day

A/N: This is my newest fic,_ Little Miss Mary Sunshine. _It's going to be mostly in Casey's POV, with a slight insert of Derek POV in chapter 7. This will be eight chapters long (chapter 8 will be an epilogue). It's a song fic with a couple lines from the song as an inspiration for the chapter. I was very happy with all the positive review I got for my other LWD fics! Thanks a bunch for taking the time to review! I love it! Please R&R! Thanks! –Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek. I also don't own the song 'Mary' by Saving Jane, but I own one of their CD's and I love it!

**Chapter One**

**Bad Day**

_Little miss Mary sunshine_

_Had a bad day…_

It's the little things, I think, that add up to make a bad day. It is for me most of the time, at least. Of course one big thing could happen and ruin your day. Like your dog dying, or your boyfriend cheating on you. Or catching your boyfriend cheating on you. Now that one's a whopper. For me, usually, it's a billion little things that just push me to the brink of explosion, but never all the way over the edge. Today was different. They started small and each new thing just got bigger and bigger. I think I could honestly say this was probably the worst day of my life.

I woke up late. I guess I snoozed my clock one too many times without even realizing it. Then I had to wait for Derek to finish in the bathroom which took I don't know how long. The arrogant jerk took longer on purpose I just know it. Then when I finally got access to the bathroom, I discovered that Marti had used all of my things to make potions, _again_.

Then at breakfast, Derek drank the last of the milk, straight from the carton. He gave me the classic Derek smirk and put the empty carton down in front of me, next to my bowl of dry cereal. When I tossed the cereal and opted for some toast I was distracted by my Mom racing through the kitchen trying to catch Marti to dress her for the day, and it burnt. Finally I decided against having breakfast, and left for school.

At school, as I tried to vent my frustrations to Emily at the very mention of Derek, she went into a trance…Ugh. It was normal for her, and if my day hadn't have been going so _well _already, it wouldn't have bothered me. But I was already frustrated as it was, and she didn't help. I slammed my locker shut with an exasperated grunt and headed to class, leaving Emily with a confused look on her face.

Most of my classes passed uneventfully, thank God. Except there was the time I got in trouble for passing notes because Emily insisted on tossing me every five seconds when I wouldn't tell her what had put me in my _mood_. And the teacher gave _me_ detention. I was having such a _lovely_ day.

Then at lunch my wonderful stepbrother oh so accidentally dumped half his lunch in my lap. To say I wasn't so thrilled would be an understatement. It caused a huge blowout fight, which we usually saved for use at home, in the middle of the cafeteria. Usually when we fight at school Sam, my boyfriend and his best friend, or Emily would attempt to break it up. No such luck this time. Both were pleasantly absent.

I was on my way to the bathroom to try and clean up the mess Derek had created when it happened. I was passing a janitor's closet on my route to the bathroom. The door was wide open and they were never open unless the janitor was in it. But as I passed, what I saw was definitely not the janitor. Most definitely not the janitor. The door must have slipped open after being hastily, and not properly closed by the current occupants. I could have screamed. I could have cried. I could have punched him _and_ her. But I didn't. I just finished my walk to the bathroom as I began to absorb what I had just seen. Sam. Sam and…Sam and some blonde! Sam and some blonde making out. Sam and some blonde making out in a janitor's closet. Sam and some blonde making out in a janitor's closet when he was supposed to be spending lunch with me, his _girlfriend_! Instead he was with some blonde, who wasn'this girlfriend, in a dingy old closet. Could my day get any worse?

The tears finally came as I hunched over one of the sinks in the girl's room. I just stood there, crying my eyes out. Everything from the day finally caught up with me as I stood there. All the little things seemed so much bigger now as they piled onto my shoulders, weighing me down. Somewhat distantly, I could hear the bell ring for us to return to class. I wiped at my eyes furiously, then splashed some cold water on my to try and soothe my probably swollen eyes. Then I tried to go on with the rest of my day like nothing happened. Yeah, right. Fat chance.

I went through my remaining classes in a daze. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was feeling at the moment. It was just too much at once. Emily caught on really quick that something was really, really wrong, even more so than that morning. She tried to pry it out of me, but I couldn't even attempt the words. She wouldn't understand what I was feeling. She couldn't help me. So I blew off her questions and refused to answer.

Then I had to go to detention. Of all days for me to get a detention. I could barely deal with it all as it was. Now I had an extra hour to let all the horrible things stew. I had an extra hour to think over everything that had happened to me today. An extra hour I could have done without. I felt bad enough as it is. Now I had a chance to think about just _how_ bad it is that I felt.

I was emotionally exhausted when I arrived home that evening. The last thing I needed was for Derek to get in my face. But of course, he did anyway. I was surprised that he actually noticed I wasn't myself. He actually realized I was a bit down—_a lot_ down—not that he actually sounded concerned when he revealed that to me.

"What happened to you? You look horrible." Derek commented, catching up with me on the stairs as I headed for my room.

"Could you just leave me alone? Please?'' I pleaded. I really didn't need his garbage right then.

"So how's it going with Sam?" Derek questioned. I whipped around and I think he could tell from the look on my face that I was really upset, because he added in a more concerned tone—a shock seeing as it was Derek—and said, "Casey, what happened?"

"Don't you know? He's your best friend."

"Yeah, but he's your boyfriend."

"Not anymore."

"What?"

"You know, why don't you ask him? Maybe you could do me a favor…find out who the blonde bimbo, that he was making out with, is for me."

"Huh?"

"Confused? Yeah, me too. But I bet you're happy now, you never did want us together. Now you've got your way again Derek, we're not."

"He did what…with who?"

"He was making out with some blonde at school. I saw them when I went to clean up the mess you made when your lunch ended up in my lap. So, it's over. You win."

"Wait Casey!" Derek called just as I was about to go into my room, and I stopped. "Are you sure? Did you talk to him? Did you say _anything_ to him?"

"I _saw_ them, so yes I'm sure. But I didn't talk to him. I didn't say anything to him. Not yet." I answered, "I thought he was different. I guess he's more like you than I had thought."

With that I slipped into my room, closed the door, and locked it. I fell onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. When I couldn't stand holding it in anymore, I let the tears go again. They slid down my face and pooled on my pillowcase. I didn't understand it. I couldn't understand it. I should have been able to understand it.

Sam was the sweet one. Sam was the one who opened the door for me and pulled out my chair when we had dinner. Sam was the good one. When I had met him, I couldn't figure out how he was friends with Derek. Sam was the sensitive one. Sam was the caring and kind one. He doesn't do this kind of thing. He's not the one who cheats on his girlfriend. He's not the one who could hurt me this badly. He shouldn't be capable of causing this kind of hurt. Derek did this kind of thing. But it was Derek that seemed to be sort of concerned, in his own way, just moments ago. I just didn't understand.

I was confused as hell, and it didn't look like I was going to get any answers anytime soon. Things weren't going to change on their own. Someone had to change them. If I wanted things to get any better than today I would have to change them. I had finally been pushed over the edge. And to think it started with a late alarm clock, some spilled hair spray and lotion, and burnt toast. I had experienced the worst day of my life. I decided I wasn't going to have anymore bad days. I was through with bad days. Over and done with. I would have better days from now on. And I didn't care what I had to do to get them. I was finally going to get what I wanted…if I had to take it for myself. Things were going to change…if I had to make them change myself. It was my turn and I was definitely taking it.

A/N: Thank you for reading my new story…I will update as soon as I can! Please review! I would love you if you review! Thanks! Love ya! –Mac


	2. Overrated

A/N: Chapter two is now up! Yay! Again this chapter is in Casey's POV. I want to thank everyone who review for the first chapter! I'm glad you like it. Anyway, I'll get to this chapter now...it's a bit short, but please R&R! I love you guys! Thanks for reading! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek or the song 'Mary' by Saving Jane, but I absolutely love all their songs.

**Chapter Two**

**Overrated**

_She says it's overrated_

_Living this way..._

All my life I've been the good girl. I did everything I was told the minute that I was told to. I always did my homework and I turned it in on time. I hardly ever complained, except when it came to Derek, after my mom and George got married. I certainly never talked back to my mom or any adult, except that one time but I apologized. That's another thing, when I felt that I had ever done something wrong I always apologized in good time. I was _the _model goody-two-shoes.

All my life that was who I was...and what exactly did it get me?

At first it seemed like things could be great. I would be the good girl and good things would come my way. It was one of the typical morals lessons. If I did the right thing, good things would happen to me. So, naturally, I always did the right thing, and things seemed to be great. I had a wonderful mom, a perfect little sister, a great family in general. Then my mom married George. Nothing against George, he's a great guy and all, and my mom really loves him. Edwin is generally a cool kid. I'm not sure what to think about Marti, though. Sometimes she's the cutest kid you could meet and sometimes she's a demon child. Then there's Derek. Him, I could definitely do without.

I've always done well in school. I've kept my grades up. Heck, I'll admit it. I'm an overachiever. I actually pay attention in my classes, like so few do. I listen to my teachers, and I rarely get in trouble. I think that's the only area in which I can get what I want. I just have to work really hard to get it. And I always do. But you can see where that got me...eternal grade grubber status.

Then there was Sam. When I first met him I thought he was going to be a genuine great guy. Not only was he absolutely adorable, he was kind and thoughtful. But he was Derke's best friend, so there had to be a catch. There just had to be. There was always a catch when Derek was involved. First of all, he could never like me. If he were anything like Derek at all he wouldn't like me in the slightest. But he did. He really surprised me. But Sam was always full of surprises. And when Derek finally crumbled and gave his permission for us to date, which I for one did not need, I found he was nothing like Derek at all. Or at least he seemed to be nothing like him. I thought he had proved me wrong for once in my life. And in a way I had been wrong.

At first, everything seemed perfect. Things were good. We went well together I think, at least for a little while. After some time, I started to feel like we just weren't working out. I mean, we didn't have too much in common and we just had a lot of other things in our lives that didn't involve each other. I had expected our relationship to run its course and then when it came down to it, make it a mutual break. Nothing messy and leaving no bad blood between us. I never expected for it to end with him cheating on me. He didn't seem the type. I never thought he would hurt me. I never thought he would hurt me _intentionally_. If we had just broken up it wouldn't have hurt as much. But this seemed like it was an attack against me. Like I wasn't good enough, like he needed more than just me, like he didn't want me, and it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Being the good girl who did the right thing no matter what, used to lead to good things. It doesn't anymore. What did it get me? I live in a house that is dominated by three men--boys, more like it--one third of which probably hates me with a vengeance. I'm dating a boy who is nothing like what I thought he was like and who cheated on me. So in that light, it really hasn't got me anything, but a lot of anxiety and heartache.

Being good doesn't get me what I want anymore. I've tried for all of my life, and it doesn't work. I can't firgure out why I would choose to live like this, if it's only going to get me hurt. I've tried, and like few things in my life, I've failed. That's not like me. I think it's about time for a change. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to be the person who loses out on life because she's too...I guess, scared to go after what she wants. If I ever want to get what I want, I'm just going to have to take it. And if that's how it has to be, then that's what I'm going to do. It was time for me to stand up and take control of my life. I just have to figure out how to do that. And I definitely have work to do.


	3. No More Mrs Nice Girl

A/N: Okay, here's chapter three. I want to apologize for how long it took to get the last two chapters up, but the site was bugging out on me the last day I was at my dad's and wouldn't let me upload any docs so here I am uploading two chapters at once. But I'm sure you'll like that! Anyway, please read and review! Thanks! Enjoy! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek or the song 'Mary' by Saving Jane, but I L.O.V.E, love them!

**Chapter Three**

**No More Mrs. Nice Girl**

_She took her hair down_

_Left her sweater on the floor_

_She's not a nice girl anymore..._

As I got ready for school the next morning, I contemplated on what I could do, how I could change. I tried to think about the moment in my life that I felt the most enpowered, the most confident. If I could take the person from that moment and be her on a daily basis...it would have to make things better, right? If I felt good in my own skin all the time, I could confidently go after the things I wanted. I just had to ditch the insecurity I seemed to be wrapped up in.

It hit me as I gave myself one last once over in my mirror. The day I dressed up as Babe Raider for my media project. That day I had felt good, it may have been a shallow good, but it was still good. I felt better than I had in a long time. I had turned heads that day. I was noticed. Guys fell at me feet. I felt confident in myself that day. That was what I was going to do. A change in my wardrobe would be a great start.

So I dropped my backpack back on the floor and decided to make a few quick changes before heading to school. I didn't have much time, so I couldn't change completely. I wasn't going to go as drastic as Babe Raider, just enough of a change to catch some eyes. I pulled my hair out of it's ponytail and undid the braid it was twisted into. If I wanted to change my nice girl image, I would have to ditch the kiddie hairstyles. I might as well be wearing pigtails with how childish my hair looked. I shook my hair out with my fingers and let it fall naturally. It gave it a messy, kind of wild but sexy, definitely sexy, look to it. Perfect.

Now for the outfit, hmm, what to do. I unbuttoned my sweater and tossed it over my shoulder, letting it land on the floor behind me. I settled on the shirt that I had on underneath, which before I would never be caught wearing by itself. It was a bit more lower cut than I was used to, and a tad shorter so the scarsest amount of skin showed. Finally, I ditched the tennis shoes for a pair of strappy heels, that matched the shirt and I rarely wore.

With a smear of darker lipstick, a brush of extra blush, a tad bit more eyeshadow and a whirl of mascara, I was ready to go. I grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs. I grabbed a piece of bread for toast, and fortunately it didn't burn today. I did my best to ignore the many pairs of questioning eyes that followed me around the kitchen, I gave a small smile and headed fro school.

I had a plan in mind for what to do when I got to school. I kind of formulated it on my way there. When I saw Sam I would just keep my cool, calmly tell him what I had seen, and politely tell him to go to hell. And I would definitely try to avoid answereing any questions about my appearence. However, Derek had different plans as usual. He caught up with me at my locker before class.

"Is this get up supposed to be some ploy to give Sam a taste of what he's going to be missing out on?" Derek questioned with a smirk.

"Why ever would you think that?" I answered as innocently as I could. I actually had never thought of it that way. Oh, well. I was going to knock Sam off his feet.

"Oh, no, let me guess...another report on the objectification of women in sexist video games? I thought the whole Babe Raider thing was a one time deal?" Derek responded.

"Could you just lay off me for once?" I snapped. Whoa, where did that come from? I was sick and tired of all the rubbish he dishes out, but...where did that come from? I guess the confident attitude comes with the outfit. "Look, I just had the worst day ever yesterday. I think I should be allowed one day to blow off some steam and cool down and I can't do that with you up in my face every five minutes like you usually are, so can you please just--"

I completely froze. I watched Sam approach from down the hall over Derek's shoulder. That plan I had about keeping calm and collected flew out the window the minute I saw Sam. The image of him and that girl kept falshing in front of my eyes and with it came all the pain I had pushed aside for awhile. I was struggling. I didn't know what to do.

I was roused back to reality by Derek's hands waving in front of my face, "Please just what? Casey! Casey, you there? Casey! Hello?"

"Sam." I murmured, my eyes never leaving his approaching figure.

"Sam?" Derek replied, his brow furrowed. He turned slightly and caught sight of Sam, "Oh."

I finally tore my eyes from him and hastily turned back to my locker. I haphazardly shoved some things into my bag and zipped it closed. I slammed my locker door.

"I'm not ready. I can't talk to him yet." I whispered frantically.

"Go, I've got it." Derek said immediately.

I looked up at him surprised. He gestured for me to leave and headed toward Sam. I took a deep breath and headed in the opposite direction. I bit back the utter astoundment that flooded me that Derek would ever help me, _intentionally_. As I headed down the hall, I could hear Derek talking to Sam.

"Now's not a good time, man. She's really pissed right now. I don't think she'd be too welcoming to your company."

"What did you say to her?" Sam asked, and I could almost picture the scowl that etched itself into his forehead.

"Me? Nothing, man. Just give her a chance to...uh, _collect_ herself. You can talk to her later."

By that time I was already around the corner and out of earshot. I really ad to get a hold of myself. I couldn't figure out what happened. I had this burst of confidence when I was talking to Derek, but it was like my confidence level defleeted the minute I saw Sam. I had to get a grip on myself if I was going to deal with him today. And Derek...he actually helped me. He did something _nice_ for _me_! He did something _nice! _I have to ask him about that later.

It wasn't until class that the whispers caught my attentinon. I had been too caught up with other things to notice. It wasn't as bad as Babe Raider day, but it was still noticeable. I could hear my name falling from people's mouths in hushed tones. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

Emily couldn't hide the look of surprise when she first saw me. I couldn't blame her either. I wasn't the 'usual' Casey today. But that had been my goal, hadn't it?

"Dang, Casey. Whoo! What happened to you? You're looking hot today." Emily squealed.

"You don't want to know." I replied. Really, did she want to hear about the horrible day that spurred this change?

Emily shook it off and turned her attention to the front of the room as our teacher came in and started class. The day went pretty quickly. I waved off a few whoots, hollers, and catcalls that were sent my way when I walked through the halls. I avoided Sam as much as I could, which seemed to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. But lunch proved to be the only chance I would get to do this, so it was when I would do it.

I was sitting alone at a table picking at my lunch. Emily was still in line buying her lunch. I knew Sam was going to join me soon, hopefully to make up for not being there yesterday. As soon as he got there I would have to do it. I had to get it over with as quickly as possible, or I would lose my nerve. Eventually Sam arrived at my table. The minute he sat down I stood taking my tray with me.

"We need to talk." I said, and without another word I headed for the doors.

This was a conversation meant for private. I could sense him following me. I dumped my tray and went for the doors. I felt eyes on me and I turned my head to look to the right. I locked my gaze with Derek. He gave me a reassuring nod before I slipped out the doors with Sam behind me. What was with him today?

When I was halfway down the hall I stopped and turned to face Sam. He looked completely confused but there wasn't even a hint of guilt in his expression. So he didn't think he was caught...Yes, but he snuck around so well...Ah, let's get this over with.

"Sam. I began...where to start. Where to start. You cheated on me and now I'm breaking up with you. Just say it.

"What's up Casey? You're looking..." Sam started, as he looked me over.

"Don't finish that sentence." I said.

"Derek said you were feeling a bit out of it today. He said I should give you some space." Sam replied, "Did he do something? He said you were kind of pissed."

"No, it's not Derek this time, surprisingly." I corrected.

"Did you have a fight with Emily? Your mom?" Sam asked, frowning.

"No." I shook my head, "It's about you."

"What did I do?" Sam scowled, "I knew I missed lunch yesterday. I was going to apologize this morning, I had to go to my classroom for..."

"A mop? Or was it a broom? Cleaning supplies in general?" I snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, those are about the only things you can find in a _janitor's closet_."

"Huh?"

"I saw you Sam. I _saw _you. You and that girl...that blonde! How could you?" I fought back the tears that tried to rush forward.

"I don't..."

"Don't you dare say you don't know what I'm talking about. You know...Why would you do that to me?"

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't. Just listen. I thought you were the good guy. I thought you were the sweet and thoughtful one. I was wrong. You've turned out to be just another jerk. So, I'm just going to say it...it's over." I spat out the last few words and walked away.

I took a deep breath of relief. I had finished. It was done. I was still hurting but I had closure...I could get over it. I could move on. I continued on with my day with a little bit of weight lifted from my shoulders. I still felt bad, but not as bad. I felt better...I'm not sure how much better, just better. I couldn't help but think that's a good start.

I came home in a much better mood than I had yesterday. It wasn't long after I got home that Derek came into my room. He pushed the door open and I turned around in my chair to look at him. He was leaning against my doorway.

"Hey Casey, you okay?" Derek asked.

I was shocked, but I did my best not to show it, "Yeah, I'm fine. Did you talk to Sam?"

"He said you were definitely out of it and you would probably get over it by tomorrow. He doesn't think you're serious."

"Well, I'm definitely serious. He didn't mention anything about cheating on me?"

"No. I don't think he wants me to know."

"What was with _you_ today? You were actually, dare I say it, _nice _to me. I can't believe those words just left my mouth. I thought I would never see the day." I joked.

"Shut up." Derek smiled, not smirked, smiled. "You were really upset, I didn't want to add to that."

"Why not? Normally that's the first thing you would have done." I asked.

"You were hurt. And you're..._family_...and that's what I do for family. But don't get used to it. I'll probably have come to my senses by tomorrow." He finished on a light tone, but I noticed the way he stumbled on the word 'family.' There was no way I believed he actually thought of me as family, but I waved it off mentally and laughed with him.

"Thanks, anyways. I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem."

With that, Derek turned and walked away. I listened to his footsteps as he went downstairs. I blew out a breath. Derek, could he really be changing? Or was this a once in a lifetime kind of thing? I pushed that aside. A nice Derek, what an idea.

I had a better day...with a bit of a change. I had a start...now I just had to run with it. I could only go up. I just had to push a little bit harder, and move a little bit farther. Things are going to change for me. It was already looking up. A few more little changes and I'll be a new, confident, enpowered, no-more-Mrs.-Nice-Girl Casey McDonald.

_She says I won't apologize_

_Stand up girls and dry your eyes_

_And I'll see you on the other side of good_

_Where we sing..._

_Na na na na na na na na_

_Na na na na na na na na_

_On the other side of good_


	4. Wrong Side of the Tracks

A/N: Chapter four! Yay Yeah! Okay that was sad. I'm just very bored. Sitting home alone during summer with nothing to do, but write some stuff for you guys. I guess it'll have to do. Anyway, here's chapter four. I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed! All of y'all! Thanks a bunch for all the positive feedback...I like—scratch that, _love_—positive feedback! Thanks again! I love you guys! R&R! –Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek or the lines from the song 'Mary' by Saving Jane.

**Chapter Four**

**Wrong Side of the Tracks**

_She paints her fingernails in black_

_She's on the run_

_On the wrong side of the tracks_

_Where life is fun..._

The next few days went by quickly, and definitely not quietly. Believe me. Not that I was complaining. Things were certainly looking up for me. _And _the whole point of ditching the life of silent desperation was to not be silent. I wanted to burst out, be loud, make people take notice. I wasn't that nice, innocent, naive, little Casey anymore.

I was most definitely not the same, and people most definitely took notice. On top of that list were my mom, George, Lizzie, Edwin, and even little Marti noticed the change. But none of them really said much about it. My mom mentioned something the second day, I think, nothing much though. Derek, however, seemed to have taken it upon himself to comment enough for everyone.

True to his word, the next day, Derek returned to his usual annoying self. Well, not exactly his _usual _annoying self, there was something different that I couldn't quite pin down. Yet every time I took a moment to think over that difference, he makes some obnoxious remark and it makes me think I'm wrong about it all together. But Derek was always consistent in that area. He does something nice or in the vicinity of nice, as it was most times, and then the second you think maybe he has a little good in his heart, he turns around and changes your mind right back. At least, as I said, he's consistent.

Most of the change came at school, as I had hoped it would. The point was to grab attention, right? And where else was I going to get that attention? I wasn't vying for Derek's attention, because he was the only one at home that says anything about it. No way. School was where I really wanted to show off. So I did. And it worked.

I started wearing shirts that were cut a little bit higher, and jeans that dipped a little bit lower. And with each new day I had an extra surge of confidence and a little less insecurity. I wasn't going to go overboard. I didn't want anything too drastic. I wanted to be confident and independent, secure in myself. I didn't feel like picking up a reputation as anything less, what's the word..._respectable _than that. That wasn't my goal. I just don't want to be invisible Casey anymore. I want to be seen, heard, but still respected. That's what I want. Maybe this time I'll get that.

Emily has finally gotten used to my new sense of style, and my new attitude. I didn't want her to think I was being pushy, but my new forwardness got away from me. She went off into what I had now dubbed 'Derek Glorification Mode', and it was as irritating as usual. And usually I just shrug it off. She doesn't know any better. She doesn't live with him. She doesn't have him breathing down her neck 24/7. I do. So, I do understand. I can't blame her. But like I said, the forwardness of my new attitude got away from me. I guess you could say I told her off...but it wasn't exactly that. I may have just, kinda, sorta told her if she breathed one more word of praise for Derek I might just have to scream. She looked kind of taken aback, but I wouldn't take it back. I had meant it. If she kept going on about him the way she was I would scream. Still, even with all its honesty, Emily didn't really appreciate it. I couldn't blame her for that either.

"Geez, Casey. I know the two of you don't get along but..." Emily began.

"No. What we are is far past not getting along. We are full-blown enemies. We fight. We snap. He's a complete and total..." I corrected.

"Talking about me again?" Derek's voice cut in. "Just can't get me off your mind, huh?"

"Derek. How pleasant of you to join us." I replied, very confidently I might add.

"You know obsession is unhealthy, Casey. You of all people should know that." Derek responded.

"Obsessed? Me? With you? Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes.

"You do talk about him an awful lot." Emily said.

"You cannot be serious." I laughed, "_You _talk about him an awful lot. I do not."

"I do not..." Emily stammered.

"Yeah. Fascinating. Really. Casey I need to talk to you. Now." Derek interrupted, bluntly.

"What about?" I asked, skeptically.

"Just come here." Derek commanded. He grabbed my arm and pulled me around the corner where there were fewer people.

I shrugged him off violently and snapped, "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Well Casey, I guess the new wardrobe comes with a new feisty vocabulary." Derek smirked.

"What do you want Derek? You aren't usually one for a nice hello in the morning."

"I just wanted to warn you that Sam has finally come to his senses and realized what he lost..."

"Meaning?" I prodded, not fully understanding.

"He knows he's missing out on something."

"Meaning?"

"He's going to come talk to you. Lunch probably, if you can get to class before he catches up to you. And I think maybe you might still be a little shaken up by the whole..._situation,_ and I don't want him to catch you off guard and spook you. So, I wanted you to be ready." Derek explained.

"Oh." I murmured quietly. My confidence level shot out the window again.

"I just wanted to let you know, so he doesn't surprise you or anything."

"How do you know this?" I questioned, turning to look up at him.

"He was talking about doing whatever he had to, to get you back. He's acting like he's doing _you _a favor by coming back to you. Like you're the one who made the mistake. But he's figuring you'll take him back. That this..." Derek made a gesture at my appearance, "...is just a stunt to win him back. I think he's just getting all hot and bothered over it—like every other guy in this school—and thinks you'll give it up to him."

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed.

"I think he wants you. Badly. And if he says the right thing, smiles the right way, and gives that perfect make-a-girl-swoon look—that I thought him—you'll fall at his feet. Now _I,_ on the other hand, know you better than that."

"You _know_ me better that that?" I replied.

"Yes, I _know_ you better than that. He wants a piece of this new Casey, and he figures that since he had you once, he could have you again. Everyone wants a piece of this new Casey, by the way."

"Derek." I nearly growled.

"Look, it's just a warning. Okay?"

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" I replied.

"Yes, I do. Glad you noticed," Derek joked, "Avoid him or figure something out, because he is going to show up sometime."

"Can't you do something to stop him? Talk him out of it or something." I pleaded.

"I tried Casey. I did. He's been going on about this for like three days. He won't listen. That's why I'm coming to you." Derek explained.

"Thanks, Derek. Really, I appreciate it." I nodded in acknowledgement.

"Just wanted you to be prepared." Derek said.

"Thanks." I replied simply. I gave a small smile then turned and headed for my class.

What was going on with that boy? He was the sarcastic, rude Derek this morning at breakfast. Now suddenly five minutes before first period he's the nice, thoughtful, 'just wanted to warn you' Derek. I shook it off though. I had worse things to deal with.

I was wondering when Sam would try to sweet talk me back into a relationship. I knew he would. I figured the blonde would drop him the minute he was 'available' again, then where would he be? He would come crawling back. But I didn't want him back. Where'd that strength you had go, Casey? Huh? Where'd it go? The last thing I wanted was to get back with Sam. No. The last thing I wanted was Sam_ thinking_ I would get back with him. I had to kill that hope. Destroy it. Crush it into bits. I know that sounds absolutely horrible and incredibly mean, but I really don't care. He hurt me horribly. I really could care less about stepping on his feelings.

All through my classes I was thinking about Sam—not in the way he wanted either. There was only two topics occupying my attention today. Sam and his 'plan', and Derek's delightful way of warning me. He didn't have to warn me about it. He could have used the time, which he had spent warning me, to laugh along with Sam and the others and encouraging him in his quest for my heart. But he didn't. He decided to help _me _instead. Something he seemed to be doing a lot lately.

What was with him?

Another question, did I really care that he was helping me? It was really turning out to be a good thing for me wasn't it. I kind of liked the nice Derek that was popping up every once and awhile. Wait. Did I just say I liked Derek? No. That just came out wrong. I'm just grateful for the help he's given me with Sam. Right?

I never really got around to answering that question. Lunch came all too quickly for my liking. I had tried to explain what was going to happen to Emily. But she wasn't too much help in solving the problem. Nothing against her or anything—she's my best friend and I love her for being there for me—but I think she's just too oblivious to understand what I was going through. See we kind of got stuck on the part where Derek was talking to me. So I was kind of alone on trying to figure out what to do.

I was sitting at a table with Emily picking slightly at my lunch. I really didn't have too much of an appetite. This was his chance, I was just waiting for him to make his move. My stomach was turning itself inside out or at least it felt like that in that moment. Finally when my anxiety was at it's highest, someone sat down next to me. I turned to look into the eyes of...Derek.

"Moral support." Was all he said before digging into his lunch.

Before I had a chance to say anything Sam finally made his appearance, "Casey."

I whipped around, "Sam."

"Uh could you two let me talk to Casey, _alone_." Sam asked, his eyes glancing back and forth between Emily and Derek as he slid into the seat next to Emily and across from me.

"Uh sure..." Emily said while making to leave. But I caught her eye, shaking my head, and she sat back down. "Uh, no."

"Derek, could you..." Sam trailed off, but assumed his point was made.

"I don't think Casey would really want me to, so I'm staying." Derek shook his head.

"Casey, could you call off the pack?" Sam asked looking directly at me.

"No." I answered simply, in a sharp tone.

"Fine, I just wanted to say—"

"I know what you're going to say." I cut in. "And I'm going to save you the breath and save me the time. I don't want you back, nor do I think I will ever want you back anytime in the future. So, don't waste my time."

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"Because..." I cooed in a baby voice. Because I heard about your little speech about me. Because you think I'll finally give you what you had to get from that little blonde. Because I still won't. "...I know as soon as I'm back with you, that little blonde will come running back as well. And I don't fancy getting hurt again. So no."

"Sam, man, I'm your best friend and I feel for you here...okay I don't really feel for _you_ in this situation, but I think walking away right now would be in your best interest." Derek replied standing.

Sam stood as well, "You're siding with her, man, seriously?"

"You cheated on her. What did you expect?" Derek snapped.

"But you hate her, right?" Sam smirked. It was said in a tone that said he knew something nobody else did.

"Look she may get on my nerves sometimes, but I care enough to show a little concern when she's hurt." Derek shot, scowling.

My mouth dropped open. Emily was cautiously glancing back and forth between the two. Did he just say he cared...about _me? _And when did this become a fight between Sam and Derek?

"But just _how much _do you care?" Sam sneered and a malicious smirk—that looked so out of place on the Sam I had know—graced his lips.

"Outside, now." Derek growled, and practically dragged Sam out of the cafeteria. I guess he wanted the rest of the conversation to be private. I'm not sure what happened after they left the cafeteria, but later I saw Sam sporting a nasty cut on his lower lip.

For the second time in a week, I went through the last of my day in a complete daze. I was so confused. So very, very confused. What had Derek meant by his little fight with Sam? It had turned into something else completely. It was supposed to be his desperate plea for me to return to him, well that was exaggerated a bit but that doesn't matter. Suddenly it had become a clash between Sam and Derek. But it was obviously about me. What could the two possibly have to fight about that involved me? Oh, yes, I was very confused.

Had Derek really implied he cared about me even a little? 'Enough to show concern', right? Or was it just another shot at Sam? Like Sam didn't care about me at all. Or was he really telling the truth? Too many questions and not enough answers. I hate when that happens. It makes me feel helpless. I don't like feeling helpless. That was the whole point in the changes I had made in myself, to build up some strength so I wouldn't have to feel helpless. But here I was feeling helpless again, and again, and again.

I feel so mixed up inside. Why was I so focused on this Derek thing? I didn't really care enough to let it bother me. At least I was telling myself I didn't care enough to let it bother me. Did I care? Did he care? I'm just about ready to say 'oh screw it'. But I can't. Why can't I? What is going on in my head?

I need to figure this out. It is right there. I can sense it. It's sitting right there in the front of my mind, blinding me from everything else, and refusing to let me ignore it. I can't ignore it. It's really important. Derek caring about me goes against everything we've done since we met. _Me_ caring goes against everything we've done since we met. We can't really care about each other, can we? I mean I don't care about Derek at all. I don't care. I don't care, not at all. I don't. Oh my God, I do. I am so screwed.


	5. Nobody to Blame

A/N: This is chapter five. It should be up with six and seven right behind it. Maybe eight too. We're almost finished people! Yay! I want to thank everyone who reviewed so far. If I haven't replied, I'm really sorry. But I've replied to most of my signed reviews. Thanks for all the positive comments. It's really pushed me along. Anyway, Please R & R! Thanks. -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek, or 'Mary' by Saving Jane.

**Chapter Five**

**Nobody to Blame**

_Points her finger_

_But there's nobody to blame_

_All the people in her memory look the same..._

I got home just minutes before Derek and was halfway up the stairs on my way to my room when he came through the door. At first I was going to just ignore him and finish the journey to my room. With my new found revelation I didn't really want to be in the same room as him. But then again, I was curious as to what had gone on after the two had left the cafeteria. I was so confused.

I left out a frustrated sigh and turned around, going back down the stairs. I met him at the bottom as he made to go up. I blocked his way, so he stepped back to look me in the eye. He gave a little smile and tillted his head in question. His eyes watched me expectantly.

"So..." I trailed off.

"What's up, Casey?" Derek asked.

"I just wanted to thank for everything you did today." I replied.

"You don't even know what I did today." Derek joked. Movement brought my gaze down and I watched him rub the knuckles of his right hand gently as he said it.

"What did you do?"

"Oh you know, I gave him the 'ol' one two.'" Derek smirked, using Marti's words sarcastically.

"I was serious."

"I know you were. It doesn't matter what I did. He's going to leave you alone from now on."

"Can you believe he thought _this_ was for him?" I made a gesture down my body.

"Quick question. Who is this for?" Derek inquired, "Why are you doing this?"

Why was I doing this? Why was I doing this? How dare he ask me something like that. Who does he think he is? How dare he...

Why was I doing this?

I was doing this because Emily can't stop talking about Derek when she knows I can't stand it. Because I can't have a decent breakfast without something going wrong. Because I can't watch TV in my own house. Because I have to wait in line for a shower. Because my boyfriend couldn't stay faithful to me. Because he was stupid enough to let me catch him. Because Marti always seems to get her hands on _my_ products. Because everything was complete crap before. But could I really blame everyone else?

It's not their faults things went so wrong for me. This was what I wanted. I wanted a change. And I got a change. This was what I wanted, there was nobody to blame.

"I don't know why I'm doing it. I know I'm doing it for myself. This is what I wanted." I finally answered, "I'm not doing this for Sam, or for any of the other guys at our school. I'm not doing it for anyone but myself."

I let out a sigh and sat down on the bottom step. To my surprise, a second later, Derek plopped down beside me.

"I don't think I'd like you doing it for anyone else." He said softly.

"And why is that?" I questioned.

"The same reason I punched my best friend in the mouth." Derek replied in response. He was avoiding a real answer.

"Which is?" I prodded, leaning in closer as if trying to hear the answer.

Derek mimicked my motion and said, "If you don't know, then it's not the right time for you to know."

He flashed me a smile and silently pushed himself up. He climbed the stairs and headed for his room. I didn't move—not even a flinch—until I heard the click of his door closing. Not until I knew he was safely away in his room, did I make my way up the stairs and into my room. I pushed the door closed and once it clicked shut I rested my forehead against it. I took deep breaths. In and out. In and out. I tried to slow my pounding heart. Why was it thundering so loudly, so quickly? What was wrong with me?

And what was wrong with Derek? Going on about 'the right time' and such. Was it the words or the proximity that made me feel such a way? Or was it both? Questions again, so many questions. Helplessness seeping in again.

I'll admit it. I care. So what? He's my stepbrother, why shouldn't I care? I should. That's the point right? I should care. At least a little. Then something Sam had said hit me. Popped me in the nose it did.

_"But just **how much** do you care?"_

How much did I care? I know that question was never directed at me, but I was asking myself now. How much did I care? Do I even know? God, I am so messed up right now.

Was Sam trying to imply something when he asked Derek that? Was he trying to say Derek cared more than he should? I don't understand how he could imply Derek cared at all. But then again, Derek himself said he cared. But just _how much_ does he care? Damn, Sam must know something I don't. That's why Derek pulled him outside, so I wouldn't find out. Oh I don't know anymore. I'm just going crazy. That's it. They're driving me insane. They're pushing me over the edge.

But I have to know...Does Derek care about me? And if he does, in what way? Is it a stepbrother kind of care, or a friend kind of care? Or is it a something more kind of care? Eew. Wait. Why doesn't that gross me out? That should disgust me. Shouldn't it? Does that mean that the way I care about him is in...No. No way. It can't be. I can't feel _that _way about Derek. Not Derek. Never Derek. Forbidden. I forbid myself.

Who am I kidding?

This is a really serious thing now. I have to handle this like it's a really serious thing. I can't just blow this off like it's nothing. I blew my chance to blow it off. When it was a little something I could have had my chance, but now it's a big something--a really, really big something--and I can't anymore.

I have to sort myself out. Think rationally. Logic. Intelligent. Figure something out. You need something here, Casey. Focus. Anything. Please!

What am I doing? What am I thinking? What is going on up in this skull of mine? Why can't I think of anything? I can't get a single thought straight in my head. Why can't I? I don't know. I should, but I don't.

I've got nothing.

_She says I won't apologize_

_Stand up girls and dry your eyes_

_And I'll see you on the other side of good_

_Where we sing..._

_Na na na na na na na na _

_Na na na na na na na na _

_Na na na na na na na na _

_Na na na na na na na na _

_On the other side of good_


	6. No More Faking It

A/N: Chapter six is up too! Yay! Two more chapters left. Seven might be up now, I'll see. Maybe eight too. It's coming to an end, almost closed. Sob. jk. I should have a new fic started soon after this one is complete. Thanks a bunch. R & R! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek, or 'Mary' by Saving Jane.

**Chapter Six**

**No More Faking It**

_Everybody's favorite girl_

_Doesn't fake it anymore_

_I'm okay with who I am today..._

Okay, I've accepted it. I had to accept it. I'm still not quite sure what _it _is, but I've accepted it. I have accepted that I have to accept it. I've accepted that it's not going away anytime soon. I've accepted that it's something I have to handle.

Whatever it is that I feel for Derek--and I'm still not sure what that is--and whatever he feels for me, which I'm still not sure of either, isn't a big deal. I can handle it, I know I can. I have confidence in myself in that area. I can do it. I know I can.

I refuse to fake myself out. I'm okay with everything I am, and everything I feel, today. I'm not a push over who ignores her feelings and waves everything off like it means nothing to me. This means something to me. I'm not going to ignore it. I refuse to.

That's what I would have done almost a week back. I would have convinced myself that it was absolutely nothing and to move on. That's exactly what I would have said. It's nothing. Leave it alone. And that's what I would have done. I would have left it alone. But what good would that have done me? It would just torment me all the more. Nothing would gt resolved. Doing nothing at all would get me just that: nothing at all. But I'm not that person anymore. I don't want to leave any loose ends.

Loose ends mean an unsolved situation, and an unsolved situation equals more questions. I can't deal with any more questions than the ones I already have. My job now is to answer those questions. If I can tie up those loose ends maybe I can get some answers. And answers I need.

I know I have to handle this, and soon. What I don't know is how I'm going to handle it. I can't even figure out what's going on in my head, and it's a scary thought to even imagine what goes on in Derek's head. And I couldn't just straight out ask him. That would be insane. I was just opening myself up to an outcome I wouldn't like. I had to at least ease into it. That way if I got some kind of sign that what I was thinking was crazy. I could back away and leave it alone without ever really revealing what I was going on about. But how to do that?

See this is why I don't like questions. Because most of the time even if you can find the answer to one it usually just leads to a new question. Even the simplest questions did that...How old are you? Sixteen. When's your birthday? And so on. Do you have any siblings? Yes. How many? One biological, three step. How old are they? And so on. A never ending cycle of pointless questions that won't mean anything to you in a day, a month, a year, but happen to be the center of your universe today, this moment, this second. That is why I hate having unanswered questions. It's impossible to rid yourself of them.

Just another thing on my list of things I hate. A list Derek used to top off. Well, I guess you could say he still does, because I hate him for leaving me with so many questions. Questions that I hate. I hate that I have to deal with them all, but I know I do. Because I can't fake anymore. I just can't pull off the facade anymore. I've made that impossible. I've broken out, provided myself with some strength and some confidence. And even if that has evaporated now the potential for it is still there. That potential kind of keeps me from falling back into old, bad habits. I've seen confidence. I've seen strength. Now I know I can deal with this thing, even if I don't know _how_ to. I have the ability, the capability, the opportunity, to do it. And I know it. I have to do it--not to prove I can to others, but to prove to myself that I have it in me to do it.

And that's what I've wanted all along. To show myself that I can have the things that I want. To show myself I can be a confident, strong, brave person. To prove I have it in me. And now that I have, I can't go back to faking a smile when things don't go my way. I can't fake that happy anymore. I can't go back. I don't want to go back. I have to move forward.

The only thing that's stopping me from doing just that is this thing with Derek. It's got me in a rut. It's halted me in my tracks. The only way for me to move forward is to figure this out. So that's why I have to do this. For me to really go forward I have to answer these questions. The loose ends are holding me back.


	7. Can You Love Me Anyway?

A/N: Chapter Seven. I hope you've enjoyed my story, I only have one more chapter left! The epilogue. Yes, it has been fun. Enjoy the chapter, it will probably be pretty long. The beginning is Casey's POV, and the break signals the start of Derek's POV. Uh, and anything in italics (besides the lyrics) is a sort of flashback or someone thinking back. Oh and the language gets a little spicy, nothing much. You've probably already seen it in previous chapters, it isn't that strong. Just a warning though. Thought I should. Thanks for reading, and review! Review like the wind! Love you all. -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek, and I don't own 'Mary' by Saving Jane. My life sucks. (jk)

**Chapter Seven**

**Can You Love Me Any Way?**

_Everybody's gotta change_

_I'm just doing what I can_

_Could you love me anyway?_

Saturday finally came. I was trying to relax after what had to be the longest week of my life. Lizzie and I were lounging together on the couch absentmindedly watching whatever was on TV. The remote was sitting untouched on my knee. My mom and George were downstairs doing something. Marti was upstairs in her room. Edwin was in his room as well. I wasn't quite sure where Derek was. So Lizzie and I were alone downstairs.

Then out of nowhere Derek leaped over the back of the couch and landed squarely beside me. My eyes didn't even leave the screen of the TV. Not that what was on was incredibly interesting. I just refused to let him steal my attention.

"What the heck is this?" Derek exclaimed, and I just shrugged. Derek said something incomprehensible and snatched the remote off my leg.

"You can have it." I replied without moving.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Lizzie looking at me, wide-eyed, with her mouth hanging open. Derek had only sat back against the couch. He had the remote cluched firmly in his hand, but hadn't used it. The look on his face seemed to express his confusion about my reaction. I still hadn't moved.

Then Edwin came thundering down the stairs saying something about wanted to show Lizzie something. Lizzie immediately hopped up and followed him upstairs.

As soon as they were gone--as if he had been waiting--Derek replied, "What happened to the old Casey? The one that would fight with me over the remote and kick me out of her room?"

It was a question that kind of begged for a response along the lines of: what happened to the old Derek? The one who would _barge_ into my room instead of knocking. Who would yell and scream and call me names, instead of asking now I was. What happened to him?

Instead I had to ask, "Do you not like it?"

* * *

_"Do you not like it?"_

How could she ask me _that_? Of all things she could ask me, she had to ask me _that_. Why would she ask _me _that? She probably couldn't care less what I thought about her. Why was she asking me? Why was she asking at all? I thought the whole point of her new outlook was to not care what everyone else thought about her.

The truth is...I don't really know what to tell her. I couldn't just come right out and say I loved it. I couldn't jump up and tell her that she was driving me out of my mind. I'd freak her out. She'd probably slap me.

I can't say she looked amazing the last few days. I can't say I find her newfound confidence incredibly sexy. I can't. It's impossible. I'm incapable. I want to tell her she's gorgeous, always has been, and I think she's wonderful. But I can't.

She doesn't know how hard it has been for me. She doesn't know how much it hurt to let her date Sam, how hard it was to watch them together. But the only thing I couldn't stand--more than them together--was seeing her upset. That was why I gave in.

Then she comes home looking so completely crushed, that any rude comment I might have had got stuck in my throat. To hear that Sam was the reason for that pain reflected in her eyes was almost too much. It took all I had not to just go out and pummel him right then and there. While Sam was my best friend and I trusted him with almost everything, I had never trusted him with Casey. I knew him better than she did. She never really knew the real Sam. But I did. And that was why I didn't want them dating. I knew he would hurt her. When she told me what he did, it hurt like hell because I could of stopped him and I didn't.

That whole night I was restless. I was trying to think of something I could do, something I could say, anything that would ease her hurt feelings. Then she comes out with a new air about her. Almost like nothing happened. I, however, knew better. She still had that pain in her eyes. At first I thought she was just trying to get back at Sam. To break up with him and throw it in his face that he had lost something special. Something amazing. Something he would never see again for the rest of his life. Casey is unique, one of a kind. And he let her slip away. I realized it wasn't a shot aimed at Sam, it was a change in lifestyle.

It drove me crazy. I already thought she was angelic. A really sappy and crappy description, but that was what I thought of her. She was heavenly. I believed that. The little wardrobe changes only accented her already unmistakable beauty. It drove me straight out of my mind. And I wasn't alone. I hated the thoughts going through the heads of the guys at school. How did I know what they were thinking? Heck, I was thinking the same thing. But they had no excuse to look at her like that. They don't love her. I do.

I don't know when that happened exactly. That's a sad thought. I can't pinpoint when and where I fell in love with my stepsister. That day I told her I did what I did because she was family nearly killed me. I stuttered the word out so sloppily she must have heard it. Family, ha, she wasn't family to me. I couldn't think of her as family. I never had, and I never would. I couldn't. Wouldn't.

She asked me why I was being nice to her. She stumped me only because I couldn't tell her the truth. I had to make something up and quickly. I couldn't grasp the words that would be accepted by her. I had to figure out something she would believe. Hard luck. I'm a horrible liar. Horrible. Terrible. Especially when it comes to hiding things from Casey. She's too good at figuring me out. She probably saw right through me.

I helped her that first day because I know how much she was hurting. I had been trying to make her hate me for I don't know how long, and I could have come up with some dreadfully hurtful remark that would have hurt her badly. But I didn't. I couldn't. I had one reason and one reason alone. I have seen Casey hurt. I have seen Casey upset. But I have never in my life seen her _that _hurt. It was a deep hurt. A heart breaking kind of hurt. And I knew it because the hurt I've seen on Casey never reached her eyes. It was a surface hurt. It was the kind of hurt that fades in a second. And this wasn't it. It filled her eyes, clouding them with pain. I couldn't add to that. I couldn't bear to make her hurt any worse.

I know I took her by surprise. I saw the confusion that set in. It's still there. I've got her questioning my intentions. Maybe that's a good thing, but it could very well be a bad thing. I'm not sure I even want to find out which one it is.

Her most insistent curiosity must be about my little spat--if you could call it that, it's probably more dramatic than that--with Sam. When I heard him talking about getting Casey back, I wanted to stop those thoughts right in their tracks. His first comment to the 'guys', formally known as our friends, was that Casey was just a little stressed. I think he expected _her _to come crawling back to _him_. When she didn't, he started plotting. I know that makes him sound very maniacal, but it was the truth. Casey's new style and attitude was attractive to everyone that got a taste of it. I admit it. Any hot-blooded male would admit to it. Sam expected it was for him. Make him drool a little, let the jealousy flare, and then take him back. No go. So he came to her.

I wasn't going to let her go through that alone. Sure she had Emily, but that girl has never been faced with the pain Casey had. She couldn't understand. I admit I haven't either but the pain I saw in Casey nearly broke my heart. I'm a sap when it comes to her. But _only _when it comes to her. Warning her wasn't enough. I wanted to be there for her. Moral support. That's what I wanted to be for her.

That was all I wanted to be. A supportive presence. Nothing more. I wasn't even going to speak. I was just going to sit there. But then he started questioning her. I was proud of her strength and force behind her words. Just no. No. She didn't want him. Then he questioned...I shut him down, at least tried to. Then he had to drag me into it.

Of course I don't hate her. Never have, never will. I care about her more than he can comprehend. I've always cared more about her than he did. How much do I care? I care so damn much it hurts. Oh God, how it hurts. Because I know she doesn't feel the same. And I'm too damn scared to risk letting it show.

I never thought Sam could tell. I thought I had hidden it well enough. I guess I didn't. Sam saw it. And he tried to hurt both of us by bringing it up and out in the open. I could have punched him right there. But instead I gave him a chance to redeem himself by making some excuse to me. He passed on that chance.

_I pulled him out of the cafeteria and into the empty hallway, and into the empty hallway, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"_

_"What? Something you want to keep from Casey?" Sam smirked._

_"You're being an ass." I stated, "A full-fledged, selfish, egotistical ass. You can't just leave her alone, can you? Haven't you hurt her enough?"_

_"What did I do that was so bad?" Sam questioned, "What have I done that **you** haven't done?"_

_"Casey is a special person. You had something really amazing and you just took it for granted."_

_"Well, I'm sure you'd do something different if you were in my shoes." Sam replied, sarcasm lacing his voice._

_"Of course I would. If I had someone like Casey I wouldn't let it go. I would hold on to it for dear life, because I know if I was lucky enough to have someone so incredible give me a shot--when I am no where close to deserving it--it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm not going to get another chance."_

_"See the problem with that--even as sincere as it sounds--is that we're not talking about someone **like **Casey, we're talking about Casey herself."_

_"You just don't get it."_

_"What don't I get? My best friend is hung up on my girlfriend, who just happens to be his stepsister! Can you tell me what I don't get?"_

_"It's not about me! That's what you don't get. This is about how shitty you treated Casey! She is wonderful and you had her. But you had to go after some other girl. You lost a good thing and you don't even really care."_

_"Did you not just hear me try to get her back? **She** rejected **me** in there!"_

_"No, you thought because she bared a little skin and put a little spice into her attitude that suddenly she'd give something up to you that she wouldn't before." I snapped. I was so pissed and I could barely control myself, "You're just thinking of her as a piece of ass. She is so much more than that and you don't see it."_

_"But you do? You think no one sees the way you look at her? You're practically drooling over her. You're only angry because she's giving everybody a good show and she might just go for some other guy, and not you. The truth is you see her the same way everyone else: just another hot girl you could screw."_

_I snapped. I swung before I knew what I was doing. Then Sam was flailing backward and I was shaking the sharp pain, which jolted through me, out of my hand._

_"Shit." Sam called, as his hand flew to his mouth._

_"You want to know the way I see Casey? Huh? You want to know? Sure, she's attractive. Drop dead gorgeous. But I see something nobody else takes the time to notice. Because no one really noticed until she changed. She's incredibly intelligent. Smarter than anyone I know. She's a kind and caring person. She's loving. She's witty and cunning. She's funny. She's everything and anything anyone could ever want. But you didn't see any of that. Or at the very least you lost sight of it. That was why you lost her. You aren't going to get her back. And if you want to drag me into it you're going to regret it." I yelled at Sam, right up in his face, "It doesn't even matter what I think of Casey. It's not about me! But you will have to deal with me if you ever try to even talk to Casey again."_

I didn't realize until afterward that my little rant had probably only further convinced Sam of my misplaced affections. He just mad me so angry. I couldn't help myself. But I did my part. The way Sam slunk away, was answer enough. He was going to leave Casey alone. And that was all I cared about.

Then there was talking to Casey on the stairs. I got so close to telling her the truth. I almost did. I just figured it would be easier to let her figure it out on her own. Although I doubted she ever would. I really got her questioning things with those 'right time' comments. Which again could be a good or bad thing. But do I really want to know? Yes or no. I actually, now that I come to think of it, do. So yes. Yes. I want to know what she's thinking, what's going on in her head. Because it's complete chaos in mine. The only way to do that is to get it out there. I need to take a page out of Casey's look, show a little strength. Put it out there.

What do I say? Do I say, I love this new Casey--she's a bit feistier and sexy--but I also love the old Casey because I could see how amazing she was back then just as clearly as now? Or do I say it doesn't matter what she wears or how she acts, she's still Casey, in essence, she's still my Casey--the one I fell in love with? How do I tell her that she's given me something no other girl has ever given me? How do I express the way she makes me feel? How do I get the urgency of my point across? How do I make everything clear to her?

"Of course I like it." I murmured.

"Is that the only reason you've been acting different?" Casey asked, a disappointment in her voice. She was expecting a yes, wasn't she? How could she think that?

"No, of course not." I shook my head, "How could you think that?"

"Well, you've never treated me this way, not until I started this whole thing up."

"Do you realize that the day you started 'this whole thing' up coincides with the day after I saw you more painfully upset than I have ever seen you?" I replied, emotion thick in my voice. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I might have a little compassion in me? That maybe I saw how hurt you were and I didn't, truly didn't, want to add to it?"

"But you've never..."

"You've never had your boyfriend cheat on you before. You've never been hurt that bad before. I've never had to see you that hurt before." I interrupted, correcting whatever thought she was going to voice.

"And you suddenly cared? Just like that?" Casey replied, turning to face me.

"I always cared. You just never saw it." I said without thinking. Well, there it is. It's out there.

"You've always cared?" Casey asked, her eyes darting around the room, but not looking toward me.

"Just let it go." I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

"But it does matter. It does. Don't try to shake me off. I want to know."

"You want to know what? That I care about you? Yes, I care about you. I care about you enough to not treat you like yesterday's trash. I care enough to tell off my best friend when he treats you that way. I care enough to punch him in the face when he decided it was okay to talk about you like you were nothing but a piece of meat open for the taking. I care enough to lay off you when you're hurting. I care, I care a whole damn lot. There. You happy?"

"You care enough to treat me like an actual human being?"

I laughed, "Of course I do, I haven't been too much of a jerk the last few days have I?"

"No, you haven't. And you've really been surprising me. I always thought Sam was the nice one. Sam was the one who would be concerned about my situation. Sam was the thoughtful one..."

"And I was the inconsiderate, insensitive asshole?"

"Pretty much, yes." Casey smiled, "You two really switched places this last week. I never thought I'd ever see you this way."

"What way?" I questioned.

"A caring way. A kind and thoughtful way. A caring, kind, thoughtful toward me way. It's just not in your usual character." Casey answered quietly, "You know all my life I've hardly ever been wrong about anything or anyone. And now I...I have to admit I was wrong about you. I was so wrong."

"Well, there's a lot I don't let anyone see about me. A lot people don't know about me. I have my reputation to uphold you know." I joked.

"What don't people know about you?" Casey responded.

"You mean, what don't _you_ know about me." I corrected and she nodded her head, her eyes cast downward, looking embarrassed. "It isn't anything to be embarrassed about. You want to know and I'll tell you."

"Really? You'll tell me?" Casey asked looking up at me. "What about your reputation?"

"You'll keep it quiet won't you? You can keep a secret right?" I questioned, my head tilted and eyebrows raised.

"Yes." Came her simple answer.

"It's a big secret. But if you can handle it..." I began, she nodded vigorously. I sighed.

This was my chance. I was going to tell her. She was watching me expectantly. This was my opportunity and I was going to snatch it before I missed it. I probably wouldn't get another chance at an open minded Casey willfully listening. Here it goes.

"It's...it's about you. And I know you're probably...you're probably thinking...what in the world could I possibly be talking about? Right?" I took a deep breath and continued, "What could any of this have to do with you? The truth is...this has always been about you. And it's so hard to just come out an tell you this. You don't even know how hard this is... Casey, I...I...I don't want...I don't want you to think this is, isn't sincere...because it so is. I just...it's hard to find the words...God you must think I'm an idiot...stumbling over myself..."

"I don't think you're an idiot, Derek. Incapable of comprehensible speech maybe, but not an idiot." Casey replied, smiling and laughing lightly. And that was encouragement enough.

"I don't know when or where or how this happened. I just know it did. And I can't fight it anymore. I've struggled with it, and I've finally accepted it. Casey, I...I fell...I fell in love with you."

The look on her face was almost indescribable. There were a million different things flashing across her eyes as she absorbed what I said. She looked away, her eyes blinking wildly. I could tell she was struggling with what I had said. I just sat there silently, waiting for her to say something, anything. I wanted some verbal response, something. I didn't care what it was, I just needed something. I didn't care if she felt the same anymore. It felt good to get it off my chest. That was enough for me at that moment. I just needed her to say something.

But she didn't say anything.

A/N: And I leave you there. What's going to happen? We'll see. I'll let you stew. Heck, you can't blame me. I need something for my last chapter. Because chapter eight is my last chapter, the epilogue you know. So review. Once I get some reviews I'll post the last chappie. So review. REVIEW! Ha. Thanks for reading. I love you guys. -Mac


	8. The Epilogue

A/N: Okay I'm just going to post this. Even though I only got two reviews of the last few chapters, but hey, I want to feel like I've completed something. So here it is, The Last Chapter! This is the final chapter of Little Miss Mary Sunshine. It's back into Casey's POV. Italics are a flashback. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for reading! Thanks for reviewing! I love you guys! R&R! -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek, and I don't own the song 'Mary' by Saving Jane.

**Chapter Eight **

**The Epilogue**

_Little Miss Mary Sunshine_

_Had a bad day_

_She say's it's overrated_

_Living this way..._

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. It was the first morning in a long while that I felt fully alive and satisfied. I actually felt like things could get better, oh so much better. It was a deep, penetrating feeling. All the way to my bones kind of feeling. I knew things were going to be okay. Scratch that. I knew things were going to be _great_!

I pulled myself up and stood in front of my mirror. I took in the wide, bright smile on my face. It wouldn't go away. I couldn't wipe it away. I rejoiced in the surge of happiness I felt. It wasn't a bad thing that the smile wouldn't fade away. It was a wonderful thing. It meant that a single moment--a brief, minuscule, exciting, invigorating experience--could have a lasting affect on me. I could hold on to it. That is until it is replaced by a new, yet similar, experience. I loved the feeling. I could cherish it. As I knew I would.

I had dreamt about it, all night long.

_I was lost for words. Had he really just said what I think he said? Or was it just a figment of my imagination? Was I going crazy? Or did Derek just say he was in love with me? Was I just projecting? Was that just what I **wanted **him to say?_

_Hold on a second there. If I wanted him to say he loved me, did that mean I...It meant I was in love with him. Oh God. How did this happen? **When** did this happen? He was the last person I would ever fall for. Yet...I had. I had fallen for my stepbrother. No, I had fallen for Derek Venturi. It hadn't mattered who he was to me. What matters is that he was right beside me when I had needed him most. What matters is he treated me wonderfully when I was hurting. What matters is he could tell that I was hurting. He could see it when no one else understood. He was there without me having to ask or having to say anything at all. When did he find out so much about me? Since when did he know me that well?_

_Derek was watching me expectantly. He wanted me to respond. I don't think he's moved at all, not even a blink of the eye, since he said it. It was all on me. The ball was in my court. I had to do something, before he took my silence as rejection. I just couldn't find the right words. I didn't know hat to say. So I didn't say anything._

_We were just so close. Before Lizzie had left we were just sitting next to each other. But as we got into talking we shifted our positions so that we were sitting facing each other. In the exact same position as it is, one leg folded up on the couch and one hanging off the edge. Derek had his hands resting on his knees, mine were neatly folding in my lap. I wasn't sure what to do. My face was turned down into my lap. I took a deep breath and looked up at him, right in the eyes. And right then I decided._

_I unfolded my hands. I placed one hand on top of one of his, and he immediately laced his fingers with mine. I smiled as I looked down at our hands intertwined like that. Then I looked up at him, and with my eyes never leaving his I placed my other hand on his shoulder. Pulling myself closer, my hand trailed from his shoulder to he back of his neck, my fingers just reaching his hairline. I moved closer, until I was just inches from him, my eyes locked with his. I smiled and watched his eyes flash with understanding as he smiled back. My eyes fluttered closed just before I closed the distance and pressed my lips to his._

I can honestly say I've never felt more amazing in my life. I had finally gotten something I had wanted. It didn't matter that I hadn't known I wanted it until a moment or so before I got it. Nothing mattered but us in that second. All the clichés people have about that kind of thing seemed so foolish compared to the intense emotion that ran through me. It was indescribable.

As I began to get ready, I pulled out a low-cut shirt and a pair of hip-hugging, low-rise jeans and put them on. I did a quick, light make-up job that was perfect for a Sunday at home. I pulled on a pair of strappy sandals and them stood up and gave myself one last once over in the mirror. It didn't seem right. I took a button up shirt out of my closet and shrugged it on. It covered anything the original hadn't. I kicked off the jeans and sandals and started looking for something more casual. I finally settled on a pair of sweats and some comfy sneakers.

I think I finally realized something. I have always been more of a laid-back, casual kind of girl. While I liked some of the clothes I had been wearing the last week, they weren't really me. They weren't for the every day kind of thing. They weren't the change I was looking for. It was more in just my attitude, that I wanted. I didn't need the things with low-hyphen-something in the title. I could wear them, but I didn't need them. I could still be this new, confident, strong Casey in sweats and a tee shirt.

By the time I made it downstairs, everyone was already there. They were all already situated at the table, except for my mom who seemed to be finishing off a batch of scrambled eggs at the stove. Marti had her cat ears on again and meowed at me in greeting. I sat down next to Lizzie and across from Derek. He looked up at me and gave me a knowing smile. I returned it and them looked to my plate as my mom sat down at the table. As we all began to serve ourselves my mom started up a conversation. And as I expected it was about me.

"So Casey, did the new look not work out for you?" My mom asked nonchalantly as she forked some eggs onto her plate. She kept her voice passive, as if we were talking about the weather. I appreciated her not making a big deal out of it.

Earlier that week I had told her that I was trying out some new looks. It was a vague excuse to keep her from freaking out if there were any _drastic_ changes in my attire. Fortunately, I had kept all changes minor and low-key. It was different, but not too incredibly different.

"No, it worked out just fine. The thing is it wasn't a change in wardrobe that I was looking for, it was more of a change...outlook or attitude that I was going for. The two just seemed to go together. But I realize now that the confidence didn't come from the clothes, it came from something I already had." Then with my eyes locked with Derek's the whole time, "And the only reason I wanted to change at all was because I thought no one cared about the old me, but I know now that I was wrong."

Derek nodded subtly and I nodded in response, before we both turned back to our plates. I wasn't sure if anyone caught our silent exchange, but I decided to change the subject quickly anyway.

"Lizzie, you never got to finish telling me about that test. How did you do?" I asked.

As Lizzie began to explain to all of us about her most recent accomplishment I listened with only half an ear. I was off in my own thoughts of the previous day, and the previous week. I had experienced my all time low and my all time high in the same week. I had gone from conservative good girl to confidently bare to a mix of both. I had been hurt incredibly and experienced incredible joy. I had felt, seen, done everything from one extreme to the other in just the short span of a week. And finally settled in at a healthy combination of the two. I lost Sam, but learned I had always had a hold on Derek. I lost everything and gained more.

I caught Derek's eye once more from across the table. I dropped my gaze after a moment and smiled lightly to myself. Things were going to get better. I was sure of it. It was going to work out because I knew now that I could be myself, no matter what that is. I knew there is someone who will love me no matter what.

"What's with the two of you today?" George questioned.

"Yeah, you're usually at each others throats with food flying across the room by now." Edwin added.

"Well, we..." I started.

"We came to a...mutual agreement." Derek finished for me, catching my eye and smirking. Making the double meaning obvious to me.

Yes, things were going to be okay. Things were going to be great. I could feel it.

And to think it all started with a late alarm clock, some spilled hair spray and lotion, and burnt toast.

_...Little Miss Mary Sunshine_

_Had a bad day_

_She say's it's overrated_

_Living this way._

The end.


End file.
